What We Say Matters

I'm glad I just read Judith and Ike Lasater's book, What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication. I was struck by a passage in the book that recounts a conversation the authors had with a meditation teacher. They asked the teacher how to choose between non-harming and truthfulness... whether it would be better to choose to tell someone the truth that might be hurtful or tell the person something kind that might not be truthful. The teacher replied, "Something cannot be true and unkind at the same time." In life's situations it can be difficult to find words that are truthful, beneficial and uplifting, all at the same time. Several years ago I read a book about the discipline of speaking to prepare for a ten day silent retreat. I was more aware of my speech than usual, and I noticed that I often say things I don't mean, don't believe, regret having said, or wish I had said another way.

What We Say Matters gives us the fundamentals of the practice of NVC, nonviolent communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, the authors' teacher. NVC is a powerful method that uses speech to connect with our innermost feelings and needs and aligns with the yoga practices of non-harming, truthfulness, awareness and remembering to remain present. This book gives clear examples from "real life" and step-by-step directions on how to connect with your own inner truths in order to connect with others in a forthright way.

This book explains why we have difficulty connecting with our feelings and how this makes it hard to talk to others about what we feel and need in any given situation. When we can be clear about our own feelings and needs, we can connect more openly and honestly with others.

I recommend this book for anyone who believes that what we say matters. The book has chapters on how to connect with children, teens, employees, partners, and examples from Ike's law practice and mediation work in the Middle East and Judith's work with her yoga students.

The book is published by Rodmell Press and available at Yoga East Holiday Manor, $14.95.