Two yoga teachers contacted me this week asking my advice on how to respond to a condescending, patronizing, or rude email they received from another yoga teacher. These were two different situations involving different people and different emails, but evidently a common issue. An internet search on "email ettiquette" shows that people often write and send emails without reading them aloud to check the tone of the email. Hastily composing an email tends to leave out words that convey a more polite or thoughtful tone, such as "please" and "thank you", and it also makes the email seem abrupt and angry.
I'm sure I've been guilty of this and have sent emails that express frustration, annoyance, superiority and self-righteousness. I've discovered the hard way that emails with this tone don't accomplish anything, and venting doesn't make me feel better, either. I've realized that my anger and annoyance is really at myself rather than the other person. When I analyze the situation, I usually recognize that I'm angry because I made an incorrect assumption, glossed over important facts or ignored the truth hoping to avoid dealing with the matter. I've learned that I need to be more aware of the tone of my communications and examine my intention in sending the email. I usually hit "delete" instead of "send" and call the person or arrange to meet them to talk it over.
Swami Dayananda, the spiritual head of Arsha Vdya Gurukulum, once said in explaining a passage from the Bhagavad-Gita, "It's okay to be angry, but not to inflict it on others. You should write it out to resolve it. Don't give someone a piece of your mind."
If you receive an email with a piece of someone's mind, act with compassion and understanding. Make sure that there is no misunderstanding between you. Don't take it so personally. Ramanand once asked his students how we would react if someone called us an "arrogant pig". The next day one of the students posed the question to Swami Dayananda. He answered, "Don't get involved in that conversation. Keep external objects external. Don't take them into your mind, and that way it won't bother you."
I'm sure many of us have heard of the Four Gateways of Speech, four questions to ask oneself before speaking:
(1) Is what I am about to say true?
(2) Is it kind?
(3) Is it necessary?
(4) Is my timing appropriate?
Renowned yoga teacher Judith Lasater and her husband, Ike, are co-authors of a helpful book on nonviolent communication called What We Say Matters. Through the teachings of Marshall Rosenberg, their book explains how to find the truth and to speak it without violating the principle of nonviolence, even when that truth is painful.
I'm sure I've been guilty of this and have sent emails that express frustration, annoyance, superiority and self-righteousness. I've discovered the hard way that emails with this tone don't accomplish anything, and venting doesn't make me feel better, either. I've realized that my anger and annoyance is really at myself rather than the other person. When I analyze the situation, I usually recognize that I'm angry because I made an incorrect assumption, glossed over important facts or ignored the truth hoping to avoid dealing with the matter. I've learned that I need to be more aware of the tone of my communications and examine my intention in sending the email. I usually hit "delete" instead of "send" and call the person or arrange to meet them to talk it over.
Swami Dayananda, the spiritual head of Arsha Vdya Gurukulum, once said in explaining a passage from the Bhagavad-Gita, "It's okay to be angry, but not to inflict it on others. You should write it out to resolve it. Don't give someone a piece of your mind."
If you receive an email with a piece of someone's mind, act with compassion and understanding. Make sure that there is no misunderstanding between you. Don't take it so personally. Ramanand once asked his students how we would react if someone called us an "arrogant pig". The next day one of the students posed the question to Swami Dayananda. He answered, "Don't get involved in that conversation. Keep external objects external. Don't take them into your mind, and that way it won't bother you."
I'm sure many of us have heard of the Four Gateways of Speech, four questions to ask oneself before speaking:
(1) Is what I am about to say true?
(2) Is it kind?
(3) Is it necessary?
(4) Is my timing appropriate?
Renowned yoga teacher Judith Lasater and her husband, Ike, are co-authors of a helpful book on nonviolent communication called What We Say Matters. Through the teachings of Marshall Rosenberg, their book explains how to find the truth and to speak it without violating the principle of nonviolence, even when that truth is painful.
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